Last night, Pad Thai and I sat outside in the dark, she in my lap, me petting her, her purring. It was our last night together. I had already made the appointment for late Monday afternoon to take her into the vet.
She had mouth cancer. A vicious, painful cancer that takes its victims quickly. Her cheek had become distended over the course of her diagnosis. Her doctor said she wouldn't last more than a month. She didn't.
Pad Thai was quite a character. She wandered into my yard 12 years ago. I don't know anything about her history. I know I tried to find her a home and she decided she had already found a home. Pad Thai always made decisions for herself, don't get me wrong. What Pad Thai wanted, Pad Thai got. There was no other way. I am so grateful to her for deciding my house was where she wanted to be.
While we sat together last night, she fell asleep and I had my iPhone and decided to post a few pictures I had taken the weekend before. They were of the ocean. We had taken a long walk to the Venice pier. One of the pictures was of a William Shakespeare quote:
Wedges of gold, great anchors, heaps of pearl,
Inestimable stones, unvalued jewels,
All scatter'd in the bottom of the sea.
At the time I saw this, I thought it was a beautiful quote. I thought that lad William Shakespeare had a future in writing. I posted another beautiful picture of the ocean, the colors so striking.
I have had other cats before, all have hit my heart in such a way. Pad Thai and her ways were different.
The morning of the day I was going to have my Typo put to sleep, I saw a vision of my cat Graystripes, who had died two or three years earlier, curled around the base of the orange tree she used to nap under. She said as clearly as anything -- no, her mouth didn't move but I heard her -- I'm waiting for Typo. Then she vanished and became the tree trunk again. I was comforted.
I was hoping for such a clear sign with Pad Thai, that I was doing the right thing at the right time. When I saw her this morning, her mouth was bleeding and I was terrified. I called my vet's office and told them we would be there within the hour.
An assistant came in while Pad Thai was getting her catheter and had me sign papers for her disposition. I already have two cats buried in my back yard; I didn't want another, to be honest. One of the choices was the basic choice. Cremation and ashes scattered at sea. I was astounded. To me, I got my sign. Okay, not that the bleeding wasn't enough, but that things had clicked into place. While I was with Pad Thai, I posted the Shakespeare quote and a picture of the ocean. It was where she belonged.
When I look at the ocean, I will see her and her brilliant blue eyes. She is one of Shakespeare's treasures scatter'd in the bottom of the sea. She was a valued jewel.
Rest in peace, my Siamese. You brought such joy to my life. I hope I brought something good to yours. Thanks for stopping by. You were loved.
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